


Just Shine a Light Into the Wreckage

by notimmortal



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But the lightest of angst, Fluff, I know nothing about hospitals, I'm not a doctor, M/M, Please Forgive me, Well - Freeform, non-descriptive shootings, pretty fluffy at least, unrealistic hospital procedures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 13:58:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11209497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notimmortal/pseuds/notimmortal
Summary: " I never should have put you in harm’s way. Not in that seedy bar. Not outside that seedy bar."Alex had been shot, and it's all Thomas' fault (but not really)





	Just Shine a Light Into the Wreckage

**Author's Note:**

> So I actually used a random prompt generator for this one. And I wrote more than half of this while I was in my English class last semester.
> 
> The title is taken from the Green Day song "Still Breathing". I considered just call it that, but that was also my prompt so I decided to have more fun with it.

He was breathing.

 

Just barely, but breathing enough to be noticed. After the accident he had, I had my doubts that he would be breathing at all. 

 

“Alexander, you’re going to be okay,” I said to him, voice pleading. There was so much blood around him, on him, everywhere but in him. “Alexander, please, you have to be okay,” I pleaded as the ambulance appeared. The paramedics rushed all around, getting Alexander onto a gurney and loading him into the back of an ambulance.

 

“Excuse me, sir,” one of them said, walking my way. “Are you going to ride with him?” 

 

I knew I shouldn’t. Alexander hated me, I was his worst enemy. But how could I leave him alone? How could I leave him to fight for his life alone when I almost cost him it? I nod at the paramedic, allowing him to let me climb into the back of the ambulance. My gaze landed quickly on Alexander. “Is he going to be okay?”

 

“It’s hard to say at the moment,” said the paramedic driving the ambulance. The other two were working on helping Alexander. “He’s lost a lot of blood. Can you tell us exactly what happened?”

 

I swallow, shame filling me. “It’s my fault,” I say quietly, but loud enough for the man driving to hear me. “We were arguing in the bar, neither of us had all that much to drink though. It’s just what we do. Argue, at the bar, at work, over texts. But this time we went outside to continue the argument, not wanting to get kicked out again. Alexander was making his point when…”

 

“When?”

 

“There was a driveby. He heard the shots starting to be fired and pushed me down. The fool didn’t even think to get down himself, just let himself get shot,” I looked over to Alexander again, lying in his own blood in the back of a quickly moving vehicle, struggling to survive. “If I could’ve just convinced him that we should stay inside, or if I hadn’t been fighting with him in the first place… He would be okay right now.” 

 

The ambulance pulled up at the hospital before anyone could say anything. The flurry of activity started again, paramedics pulling Alexander out of the ambulance and rushing him into the hospital. The driver, after making sure Alexander got inside, came back to where I was standing outside the ambulance. “I can show you where they’re taking him. You won’t be able to go in and see him for a while, they’re taking him to surgery, but at least you’ll be here when you can go in. If you want.” 

 

I nod, following the paramedic into the hospital. He introduces me to a nurse, tells her who I’m here with, and then escorts me to a waiting area. It’s not until I’m sitting in the waiting area that I realize I’m covered in blood too. Alexander’s blood. I stand up and ask the nurse to point me in the direction of a bathroom. Once in the bathroom, I start trying to scrub the blood off my hands, tears beginning to pour down my face. This was my fault. Alexander was dying and he will die because he tried to save me, his enemy, the man he’s despised since the beginning. 

 

I try to gather myself, but I realize that Alexander’s friends don’t even know he’s in the hospital. They don’t even know that he could be dead right now. With shaking hands, I pull my phone out of my pocket. Laf would know what to do. He always does.

 

“‘Ello?”

 

“Laf? It’s Thomas.”

 

“Thomas! What is up my friend?” Laf asked, his French accent very prevalent. I was silent for a few moments, trying to figure out how best to say what had happened. “Thomas?”

 

“It’s Alexander,” I said finally.

 

Laf sighs heavily. “What did he do now, Thomas?”

 

The tears that I had been fighting off were starting to pour down my cheeks. “It’s my fault Laf. It’s all my fault.”

 

“Thomas?”

 

“He got shot,” I said finally, squeaked out between sobs. “He got shot and he’s in the hospital and it’s all my fault.”

 

“Where are you guys at now?” Laf asks. I manage to get out the name of the hospital between my sobs. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. John and Hercules will probably come with me. You’re in the waiting room, yes?”

 

“Yes. He’s still in surgery. Should I leave, Laf? Laurens and Mulligan aren’t going to want to see me here…”

 

“You need to stay there just in case they take him out of surgery before we arrive.”

 

“He’s not going to want me here either!”

 

“Thomas, I don’t have time to tell you how not true that is. You stay at that hospital, Thomas. I’ll see you in a little while.”

 

Laf hangs up before I can argue with him further. I set the phone down, wiping my face and forcing myself to breathe regularly. With shaking hands, I push the bathroom door open and walk back into the waiting area. I sit down in a chair far away from the other people in the area. My breathing is still shaky and tears are still coming down against my will. I don’t know how long I’m sitting there before a nurse comes up to me.

 

“Are you the man who came in with,” he looks down at his clipboard. “Alexander Hamilton?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“He’s almost out of surgery. Everything went well, we were able to stop the bleeding and remove the bullet that was embedded in his torso. We’re going to move him into a room in about half an hour, you can see him after that.”

 

The nurse walks away, leaving me with the feeling of elation in my gut. Alexander was okay. He was going to be okay. He was going to live. 

 

By the time the nurse came back to show me to Alexander’s room, Laf and the others were still MIA. I sent him a quick text telling him that Alexander was okay and had been moved to a room as I walked down the hall to where Alexander was staying. 

 

The nurse opened the door and directed me to a seat next to the bed. “He probably won’t wake up for a while still. I’ll let you stay, though, just in case he does. It’s always good for people to see a familiar face when they wake up after an accident like that.”

 

I sit down next to Alexander. He looked so fragile, various wires and the like attached to his small frame. His breathing was steady, though, which was much better than the last time I had seen him. His hand lay outstretched by the edge of the bed. The sudden desire to grab it came over me, and I was unable to stop myself from doing so. 

 

Alexander’s hand was soft and warm in mine. I traced patterns on the back of his and started to talk to him. “You gave me one hell of a scare back there, Hamilton. I thought for sure you were dead. That I was the reason you were dead. God, Hamilton, you saved my life and then just… You almost died saving me. Why would you do that? The world needs you, Hamilton. I know I berate you all the time, but the things you do, god, the things you do are so important. You’ve come so far and done so much. And you almost gave it all away. For me. I’m not worth that, Hamilton. I’m not worth that at all. Not compared to you. Never compared to you.”

 

I don’t know when the tears started, but once they did, they didn’t seem to stop. I had nearly killed Alexander, a man who used to be my enemy but had stolen my heart anyway. A man who didn’t know nearly how much he meant to me, and almost never did. I continued tracing patterns on the back of his hand. I kept trying to convince myself that I should let the hand go, let him go, and walk away. But I couldn’t just leave him alone. 

 

Against my better judgement, I started talking to him again. “Washington is going to be beyond pissed when he finds out you’re in the hospital. Don’t worry, I’ll let him know it was my fault. It’s a good thing you’re always weeks ahead of where you need to be for work, someone else will be able to present your case for the cabinet meeting then. I may just do it myself, even if you’re completely wrong,” I chuckled, squeezing his hand. “I would give anything for you to wake up now, Alexander. I never should have put you in harm’s way. Not in that seedy bar. Not outside that seedy bar. Not anywhere. But the only way you’d talk to me was if we were arguing. I wish I could talk to you outside of arguing, but… I love you, Alexander. Enough to keep arguing with you if it’ll keep you talking to me.”

 

“You love him?” a voice said from behind me, startling me. I drop Alex’s hand and turn to see John Laurens standing in the doorway, staring at me with wide eyes. “Jefferson. Did you say you love him?”

 

“I…” A million thoughts rush through my brain, I grasp at the straws searching for the proper words to say. Nothing comes to me, so I look away from Laurens. “I should go.”

 

“Don’t you dare move, Jefferson,” Laurens says sternly. “Not until you explain yourself.”

 

“What do you want me to say, John?” I ask, spitting out his first name as if it were a curse. “That I don’t love him? That I don’t think about him every waking moment of my life and then continue to see him in my dreams? That I’m not constantly watching him from afar during work or staring when he argues with me outside of work? That I’m not ridiculously jealous of what you and he have, because you can talk to him and I can’t because if it’s not an argument he won’t care about what I have to say? Is that what you want to hear? That I’m jealous of how he looks at you like you’ve hung every star in the sky and he looks at me like I’m just a mistake dropped onto this planet by happenstance?” What started out as yelling got quieter and quieter with each word out of my mouth. Laurens was looking at me with wide eyes, shocked by my revelations.

 

“Thomas,” Laurens started softly, using my first name for the first time. “I… Do you really not know?”

 

“Do I really not know what?” I ask, fighting off a fresh round of tears.

 

“Do you really not know that I love you?” a soft, broken voice says from behind me. I whip my head around to see Alex, awake and smiling. “Sorry to interupt, but it’s hard to sleep with all the yelling.”

 

“I’ll go tell the others that you’re up,” Laurens says softly, turning and walking out. 

 

“I’m sorry I woke you,” I say to Alex. “It wasn’t my intention.”

 

“It’s always yelling with you, isn’t it?” Alex said with a small laugh. “Fuck, if it weren’t for your yelling, I wouldn’t even be here right now.”

 

“You think I don’t know that?” I say, voice raising and cracking. The tears I had tried so hard to fight off started pouring down my cheeks. “You think I don’t know that it’s my fault that you’re lying in a hospital bed with a bullet hole in your stomach, grazed arm, and blood loss? So much blood loss that you passed out, unable to even open your eyes? You think I don’t know that I’m the reason you almost lost your life today?”

 

Alexander stared at me, clearly startled. “Whoa, hey, Thomas, take a step back. I’m not blaming you for this,” he said, weakly gesturing his hand around the room. “I… fuck, this is not how I meant for that to be taken,” Alex pauses, clearly trying to figure out the best way to continue. “Did you know I fell in love with you while we were arguing?”

 

“What?”

 

“It’s true,” he says, smiling a little bit. “It was when you were tearing my debt plan to shreds. Now don’t get me wrong, I still think you were wrong with what you said, but you spoke so passionately about your views on it. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”

 

“Hamilton, that was when we first met,” I say softly, hardly believing what I was hearing.

 

“I know. And trust me, I didn’t want to fall head over heels for the asshole in the pink jacket who was calling my debt plan shit, but I couldn’t help it.”

 

Alex and I just look at each other for a few moments. His gaze seemed to be studying each and every feature of my face, eyes focused but soft around the edges. It was enough to drive my own eyes away. “I’m sorry. For getting you into this mess.”

 

“It’s not your fault, Thomas.”

 

“You pushed me out of the way. You let them hit you instead of me. Outside of a bar that  _ I _ dragged you to because  _ I _ started an argument with you. How is this not my fault?”

 

“Well, for one, I did goad you into starting an argument with me. I just love seeing the passion in your eyes every time you talk about something you care about,” I open my mouth to comment on that, but Alex raises his hand and cuts me off. “I know what you’re going to say, you’re going to say that I don’t talk to John or Lafayette or Hercules like that. I heard what you had said to John, and I need you to know that you’re wrong. John will tell you himself, whenever he sees us arguing he says it looks like I’m in love. Because I am in love. I’m in love with your passion and the fire in your eyes and the fact that you’ll let me rile you up but you’ll still buy me drinks because you know we’re in it for the long haul when we get started. I love that.”

 

Alex speaks so earnestly that I have no choice but to believe what he’s saying. I reach for his hand, taking it into my own once again. “I love you, Alexander. So much. And I’m sorry that I ever put you in harm's way.”

 

“I made the choice to push you out of the way,” Alex says, squeezing my hand. “And I don’t regret it. Especially since it meant finding out that you love me. That you love me back.”

 

I kiss the back of his hand. “From the start until the end of my days. I promise you that,” Alex smiles, his whole face lighting up. “Now, come on. Let’s get your friends in here so they can see that you’re doing okay.”

 

“You’ll stay, right.”

 

“For you, of course.”

 

Alexander smiles again, and in that moment, everything is right.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated but never required. This is my first work in the Hamilton fandom even though I've been a part of it for over a year now. If anyone wants to leave me prompts, I'll write for Jamilton (obviously), Lams, Mullette, Hamliza, the Revolutionary Set (ham/laurens/laf/mulligan), or platonic Hamilton/Washington.
> 
> Come bother me on Tumblr! ireallyneedabetterusername


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